Tuesday, October 5, 2010


It is crazy that 6 weeks has already flown by, but believe me...I am not complaining. It is just that I am already soooo tired and it is just now October. What will April or May feel like? Hew!
I am pretty excited though. Michelle and I have decided to take a trip to CA for Spring Break. We have been saying for 3 years, that we were going to go, but we have never followed through. We are this year...I swear it! And if Chelle doesn't go, I am still going. Kendra...hope you are ready for country coming to town. It gives me something to look forward to. I need that....good things to look forward to, to help get through the everyday BLAH!
This year has been pretty weird for me. I feel as though I have been in an emotional/mental maze. Thinking that I am actually making progress only to run into another wall. I feel very lost right now and it is hard to explain that to those around me. I have friends and people that I can talk to, but I don't think that they would understand. Actually, I know they wouldn't. I guess it is the same thing for me over and over again. I think I have a place or purpose in life, then I get lost, overwhelmed almost.
There are days that I want to run away, to be alone, by myself and just hide from the world and my responsibilities. Not that I really have that many responsibilities...take care of me and my dog & look out for Mom & Susy, and my job. But for some reason I feel very sad at times. It is so strange because I don't really have any reason to feel that way... but I do. It is hard to tell friends that you are having a bad day...just because. I want to be by myself, but when I am alone, it isn't good for me either.
I hate feeling this way. Lost in a sea of unwanted emotions and confusing thoughts. Being tossed and twisted by my own anxieties.
Strange that I can't tell anybody how I am feeling, but I can write it so easily in this blog.
I want to turn my phone off, run away and hide. Maybe I can soon.

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