Saturday, October 16, 2010

Good Day

Today was a good day. A really good day. Brady Charles Norton was born this afternoon to Adam and Christy (Farrell) Norton. So glad baby Brady is here!
I spent the day with me. The real me. I was quiet. I was calm. I got alot done around the house...laundry, cleaned, and got some groceries for the next 2 weeks.
Mom brought me breakfast and we ordered my glasses...Happy Birthday! You know you are getting old when you get glasses for your birthday and they aren't a gag gift!
Then I came home and cleaned and did laundry with ESPN college football blaring. There is something about football that makes me feel at home. Makes me feel like I am with my family. I know that is a weird way to describe football, but it feels like happy place.
I slept on the couch between loads of laundry and first downs.
Took a shower after lunch sometime. Went to the school in the hopes of finding my dream job online, a job that would take me to the next stage of my life, but of course, there was nothing. After filling out zero applications, I drove myself to Lufkin for a Pumpkin Pie yogurt....frozen yogurt can always brighten my day. As I drove back into NAC, I just drove the loop with my foot out the window and music blaring. Cruising!
I didn't want to stop. I wanted to drive off. Drive to I don't know where, don't care where. I still may do that one weekend...only tell my mom where I am going and take off. Drive til I am tired, find a place for the night and stop. Then get up and look around, and drive back. But could I turn my phone off and go? November may be just the month to take off. Sad that I will even have to plan that, because all of my days are filled with everyone else's schedules, with their plans, their events. I need to take time for me.
Today I was able to sit and not talk, not think, not fight with myself, not worry about what someone else thought of me, not think about what someone else needed. I just got to sit. I think when I am alone, I am myself, but at this point in my life, I am not sure who I am or even if I am living my own life. I at times feel like I am living someone else's life, doing what others want me to do, being where others want me to be, being what others want me to be. I am ready for someone to live my life, to share in my life, to want to be where I am. I always seem to try and be where they are. I don't remember the last time someone called said~"Hey, what are you doing today? Can I tag a long with you? Can I come see you? Can I hang out with you?" It always seems that I am asking others.
I want to stop asking, stop calling, stop talking...but when I do that "What's wrong with you?" is what I get from those around me. It is just expected that I am there. What will happen when I am not? Will they miss me? Will they need me? Would they look for me?
For many, I am afraid the answer would be no.
Today was a good day.
A day to myself.

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