Monday, July 26, 2010

Danieal Manning Diving Interception Cleveland Browns-Chicago Bears NFL W...

This is just one short clip of one of my friends from college doin' his thing for the Chicago Bears!!!
Go Yay-Yay!

South Africa- England 02 June 2007 best tackles


Double Rainbow

In light of the fact that my posts have been a bit on the serious side lately...I am going to tell you a little story. I am sure you have heard of the "Double Rainbow" video that has been posted on youtube, but by some chance you haven't seen it...Let me just tell you. I was watching Good Morning America, like any true blooded American, and they always show a popular video that is being spread across the nation via youtube or emails. Most of them are dancing or singing kids or crazy animals.
But this particular morning they were featuring a video made by a man in one of our many national parks. He filmed a "Double Rainbow". Yes two rainbows all the way across the sky. He is in complete and total awe of the scene. He yells and screams and even breaks down into tears. Everyone was so convinced that he was stoned or on something.
I at first was taken a back from his excitement, but at the same time...I remember at time that I too was so emotional moved by a kind act. I have always made fun of people who cried when they heard good news. Never really got it. But in the summer of 2008, I was in South Africa on a mission trip. But during my mission trips there, I have fallen in love with their national rugby team, the Springboks. And I follow them online and watch every game I can while I am there on TV and read the papers as well. One day at lunch Dorian said he had a surprise for us. He had gotten us Springbok tickets. They were playing there in Cape Town. I started crying...Really?...crying? over a professional sporting event? But it wasn't just the fact that I would see my favorite team, but that Uncle D had gone and gotten them!
So to get back to my point. I was sad that everyone was making fun of this guy being so excited about seeing the two rainbows. I was in awe of his true delight in God's amazing creations. It may have been to an extreme, but I think that people should really slow down and look at the beauty that surrounds us. He may have gone crazy, but I still think it is pretty neat.
Now on top of that video post, a group of young people have dubbed the guys voice into a catchy, pop song using only the words he uses in the video as the lyrics. I have a friend, Ruby, who is head over heels for this song. I think it is a little weird that people would take the time to make it into a song. But the part that kills me, makes me bend over in laughter, hide my face in embarrassment is my friend Ruby jamming out to this 3 minute pop song. She loves it and it might make me uncomfortable with her choreography and singing; I love the fact that she loves it! True delight.
What gives you true delight? Take time to stop and think about the things that move you, the things that give you true joy. Whether it is Springbok tickets, a child's laugh, or a Double Rainbow. Find your true happiness and share it with others.
(In a tribute to Ruby...I have posted the song...enjoy. And I have also posted a highlight clip of my first Rugby game I watched on TV in Swaziland...Springboks vs England)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I Needed to Tell You

I can still see you walking into a room and I can almost feel myself blush at the thought. My heart raced when you were near me. I tried to keep my eyes off of your every move. I always wondered if anyone could hear my heart pounding in my chest,. You made me so nervous, even now, the mere thought of you makes butterflies dance in my stomach. How long ago was it? Really? It feels like only yesterday.
I still dream about those beautiful eyes staring into mine, so deep and mysterious. I can still see your smile, every time I fall into a dream. The monotony of my day always leads me to a moment we once shared. Every little thing blasts me back to what we had; shopping, movies, singing, going to Wal-Mart, homework, dinners, laughter, fights, tears, hugs, family, were always with me and you still are. At times it is almost haunting how you are still so much apart of my life, and yet you are not even here. Is there something wrong with me? I don't know what to do when all theses memories and emotions come flooding back. My heart aches because I can't share life with someone like I shared it with you. I don't get to see you, hear you, or hold you anymore and the memories taunt me.
How long will you come to mind? How long will I see your face when I close my eyes? How many more dreams will I spend in your arms? How many more times will I go to pick up the phone only to put it back down? How can I make the thought of us fade into the mist?
Answer me this: if we were not meant to be together, not meant to share our lives with one another, then why do I still love you the way I do? Why hasn't that love faded? Why do I still want you to hold me? Why when something good or something bad happens, you are the one I want to call? Why are you the one I want to fight with?
Am I the only one that feels this way? Is it really only a one sided desire? Do you ever think of me? Have you ever wanted to call me, but just put down the phone? Has there been a time when you thought, "She would understand?" Have you ever wished it was me by your side?
I have yet to find something as real as you, even though I don't really know if we ever really were. I just know that I still love you. It may be too late, but for what its worth, at least you will never doubt my love for you.

Live and Learn

All of my life I have been told that you live and learn. But I must be a slow learner. I just laugh at myself. But, then again, I have learned that putting your hand on a hot stove burns you, but yet I do it over and over again. Just as the burns heal and even the scar starts to fade. I walk back over to the stove, maybe it won't as bad this time, maybe it won't even affect me, I am over it. And BOOM--- I have another burn. Really? Its gonna burn you! ! ! I don't get it...I know what I want in my life and the stove isn't helping me get there. Romans 7:15-20 hits the nail on the head. "I do not understand what I do."
I just can't believe that I am 28 (almost 29 in almost 3 months) so you would think that I would have some wisdom by now. I do believe it or not. One thing that has helped me, I have finally written down my weaknesses while trying to find my strengths. People, if you haven't written down your strengths and weaknesses, you need to do it. Not so you walk away thinking what a terrible person you are, because believe me, I did that. My weakness list is longer than my strength list. But it has made me more aware of what I need to work on. It makes me listen to my words, where I am, and what I do. Now I know some of ya'll are thinking..."Really? Penni, you are a jerk, I saw you out!" And that's fine, I said my weakness list was a long one.
But, I think what makes me different from others, I will let you know straight up- I am not an angel! I mess up on a daily basis. But I am trying. Don't they say the first step in rehab is admitting you have a problem. I know I have not just one problem, but tons of them.
I wish I was different, but unfortunately, I am stuck with me. But I am working on making this hopeless case into something better.

Friday, July 23, 2010


Confusion seems to be the story of my life.
I am just at another point in my life where I just don't get it. I pray. I ask for guidance. I ask for stength & wisdom. I ask for a husband and family. And at times, those requests seem so far from ever being answered. Is it just not the right time in my life for my prayers to be answered, or am I being punished?
Does God even punish people, or is it Satan getting in the way of God's plans or is it me getting in the way of God's plans?
At times it all seems almost too much to understand, too much to try to comprehend. I was raised in the church and I know all the things that God promises. I know he has a purpose and a plan for my life. But I just dont see or know what the plans are. I feel like I am roaming at times.
I am tired of roaming. Tired of just being. I want to live. I want to have a purpose. And a purpose to me could be several different things.

Monday, July 19, 2010


Being raised Church or Christ, I am not really sure what to call the desire in my heart & I really don't know what it is. Some would say it is a calling. I am not sure what to call it. Some of my mentors, family, and friends feel that I should be a speaker/teacher. Not just a 7th grade TX History teacher, but an advocate for Partners 4 Africa and a women's speaker. I feel very intimidated at the thought of it all, but at the same time, so drawn to it.
I do not know all there is to know about life or Christianity, but I do have a desire to search for it. Many people along with myself, would look at my life and say, "Penni, you are a sinner. You are the biggest screw up and so what makes you think you can 'teach' me how to be a better Christian? How can you stand before anyone and tell them how to serve God?" Trust me...I think about that every time the thought even passes through my mind. I know that I am not perfect, I know that I am a sinner, I know that I have a long way to go to being where God wants me to be, but I think the important thing is that I know that.
I also know that I love Africa and the people that I have come in contact with there. I want to do all I can here in the states to help them by collecting books, clothes, and blankets. I truly believe that God saved me by making me away to go to Africa 3 years ago. I was headed down a path of destruction, denial, and anger. When I was asked to go...I even said, "Ummm...I can't do this. I am not a good person." But God said you are going whether you want to or not and I thank Him everyday that he sent me. The people there touched my heart. I think about them daily. Serving God and serving those orphans and those who have never known true love or God's peace is what I love doing. But I am here to tell you right now...its not easy, it is most definitely out of my comfort zone, but afterwards it is the most amazing feeling. And if speaking to classes, school groups, and women's groups is what I must do to help them, I will do it.
But many times, I feel intimidated, like I am lacking, like there is nothing I can do to help. I still mess up and sin on a daily basis and so I always have Satan in my head telling me that I am worthless and that I am a hindrance. There are so many times where I am not sure where to start or who to turn to for support.
I understand that I am a woman in the Church of Christ, which means I am limited with out a male in my life...which I find very sad and difficult at times to accept. I know with all my heart that I could do so much good by being a speaker/teacher. I could get schools and groups to donate toiletries and text books, the women's groups that I spoke to could take the information back to their churches and homes. God's works would be spreading and the people in Africa would be helped and blessed.
But how do you know when it is a 'calling' or when it is a selfish desire? I will continue praying and I hope you all will do the same. Or if you have a group that is interested in hearing about Africa and the work that God and Partners 4 Africa is doing...find me and I would love to share my heart with you.

Friday, July 9, 2010


Man...I am so torn. Stressed is not the right word, but close. Frustrated is not the word either. Torn is the right feeling. I want the life that God has planned for me, but I also want what I want. I hope the desires of my heart are in line with God's plan.
Part of me wants to get out of Nacogdoches and find a bigger church with a congregation that has more people my age--Young Professionals. I want to move to a bigger area with more museums, jazz bars...more "culture". That has been my prayer, to find a place to fit in.
And now, I have been invited to sing with the Sweet Adaline's, a women's barbershop chorus. My grandmother sang in a Sweet Adaline group when they lived in El Paso. So it is pretty neat to follow in her footsteps. And I have had a friend that asked me to join the Nacogdoches Art League. in Nac? Really? But here it is! Answered prayer? I just don't want to get "stuck" here. But would it really be that bad? Is this God telling me I have a place in Nac? There are benefits staying here:small town feel, family, new friends, new opportunities, and I could buy a house here and it would be an asset to buy a house here in a college town.
I am also having trouble putting my feelings in order, trying to balance the old and the new. I am want to grow, to be more than I ever have been. But at times, holding onto the past seems to be holding me down. It makes me negative, sad, stressed-- I am tired of being a grouchy person. I want to be happy and fun loving. I just wish that my friends would see it as growth and not neglect. I wish they would want me to be happy.
I will keep praying that my heart's desires will align with God's. He has got to show me the way, cause I am struggling.

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Tonight, my family celebrated the 4th a day early. We grilled hamburgers, hot dogs, and ribs. Very nice. That is one thing the Farrell men know how to do. And the thing all Farrells do well is eat. There is never a dull moment when we get together. From kids screaming and playing to remember when stories. After letting our feast settle they guys went to get fireworks---for $40, we had a nice little show: slappy dos, slappy don'ts, fountains, and roman candles were just a few of the stars of our show. Oh....and Sparklers...I love sparklers. Watching the children oooo and awww over the fireworks is such a joy. And there was fun had by all!
But the 4th of July is more than just hamburgers and fireworks. It is supposed to be a day of remembering what our forefathers did for our country. Many men fought and died so that we could be free, so that we did not have to endure the same persecution that they under went while in other countries. So that we could truly have a life.
But I am afraid that their fight for our freedom has become an alter for excuses, The young people of today make me sad and at the same time sick; absolutely SICK. They have no knowledge or respect to the history of our country. They cannot see past the end of their own nose, past today, past their own selfish wants. With this generation, I fear for our country's future.
They do not seem to understand the sacrifices of men and women of the past, what they have lain down at this generation's feet only to be trampled. Sacrifice so that people can sit on their opportunities at home and do nothing with their lives. Sacrifice, so that people can waste my tax money on frivolous temporary highs and material items that will rot in the earth one day. Sacrifice, so that young people no matter their color, religion, or socio-economic status could get a free education. Sacrifice, so that people of every belief or religion can go to church with out being under fire or scrutiny. There are countries even today where people are being killed because of their beliefs, daily. right now we have men and women fighting, sacrificing their lives in Iraq so that we may be safe and protected, and fighting to prevent another 9/11.
I as an educator am expected to teach kids grammar, simple mathematics, biology, and out entire history. But they do not care. They do not desire such education, yet we try to force feed them. They do not have any respect of true understanding for their elders or the men and women who died to make our country and homes safe. They take for granted the freedoms and blessings our country has afforded us. In instead of taking the freedoms and blessings they have been given and being successful, productive young people, doing everything that is offered to them. They spit on the opportunity and in that spit on me as an educator. They would rather live in ignorance at our expense.
How do I as an educator, as a U.S. citizen, teach them passion, compassion, respect, or understanding for our past, for others, or themselves? How do I impel them to desire success or education? I cannot. So, is my passion for teaching in vain? I feel my love for history and my respect for the past is lost among the weeds and rocky soil. How many flowers will grow with the water of knowledge, truth, and love we are sharing and providing to our students?
I feel as though my efforts are futile in this microwave society. How much longer do we allow our forefathers' passions, hopes, and dreams to be trampled on by the ignorance of today's culture?